I have spent many years in the mountain wilderness, hunting, camping, and just relaxing. It has been a family practice since before I was born. It was actually this exact family practice that created me. Not because creating a family takes practice — which I believe it does, but rather I was conceived while my parents were camping in Yellowstone National Park. So I guess you can say I have been part of nature my entire life.
As a small child we camped, fished and spent as much time in the great outdoors as possible, so when I got married I also practiced family time in the outdoors, — Shut up!
My kids grew up in the same fashion that I did, respecting nature and wildlife in all its glory. I taught them how to find their way through the woods without any means of direction other than their internal compass.
This is a much harder task than it sounds. I was created in the great outdoors, but somehow the Great Spirit of the Wilderness decided that was enough and failed to equip me with an internal compass. I had to learn how to survive and find directions by the scenery and landmarks, which now in my current condition, makes my life extremely difficult.
I can’t find North if I am 5 feet from the Pole, let alone on the side of the mountain in 6-foot brush and no other means of directional awareness. So thank the Great Spirit of the Wilderness that there is Global Positioning Satellites or G.P.S. This wonderful device has allowed me to feel free in the mountains once again. All you have to do is program in the place you desire and listen for it to tell you where to go.
After all the years in law enforcement and marriage, I’m used to people telling me where to go; I’m just not used to it being so polite. The only difference is, unlike everyone else’s way of telling you where to go, you actually have to listen to the G.P.S.
I realize that it’s hard to believe a highly tuned and proficient piece of electronic equipment over your own senses, but sometimes you have to concede that your senses might not be equipped to handle the current situation.
When my family grew larger, mostly by marriage, and since my wife and I both only have sisters, new additions were mostly of the brother-in-law category, I would take the new in-laws to the mountains and swamps with me to teach them as I had been taught. When G.P.S. was first introduced we couldn’t wait to put it to use, since mostly what I could teach them is — I had no idea how NOT to get lost.
My brother-in-law was the first to acquire one of these new devices of modern mystical madness and we couldn’t wait to use it in a practical application. On our next hunting trip, he programmed in the location of the truck high atop an area of a mountain that we had never explored to date. In total confidence, he would be as efficient as Lewis and Clark in his ability to navigate the terrain and return to the truck in triumphant glory.
We agreed on a time to return to the truck and set off on our adventures; I, using the terrain and landmarks as I always have and he, using the current outer space technology that he held in his hand. After the predetermined amount of time, I waited at the truck to hear about the conquering hero’s tale of vast and unknown sights.
After waiting for 30 min and not hearing from him, I was starting to believe that this new magical device had taken him to places of such glory as he would never want to return.
I decided that, in hopes that I didn’t destroy his Zen, I should attempt to make contact with him with the radios that we carried for emergency purposes. After a few minutes of callin’ “Breaker Breaker,” he answered. He sounded slightly out of breath and a little more concerned than I expected, considering that he had the miracle of modern life in the palm of his hand.
After we dispensed with the pleasantries, he said he had no idea where he was and he believed his GPS was defective. He just knew in his heart that he was going in the right direction, buutttt — the GPS kept telling him to go in the exact opposite direction. There was no doubt in his mind that he was correct and that piece of newfangled NASA engendered technology failed, just like the space program that developed it.
Did I mention that he liked conspiracy theories — probably not important.
After we discussed all other possibilities we decided that I would honk the horn on the truck so he could get his bearings. HONK echoed throughout the hills, as I heard over the radio — “Was that you?” What do you mean was that me? “Try it one more time. I think it echoed off one of the mountains because that honk came from where my GPS is telling me to go.”
I laughed out loud the whole time I honked the ‘shave and a haircut two bits’ tune on my truck horn. (You heard the tune in your head, didn’t you?) As the tunes echo faded, I heard over the radio, “You have got to be ‘Honking me’” (add your own expletive).
He relied on his own instincts rather than the equipment that was designed for just such an occasion. He refused to believe that the GPS could be more accurate than his own knowledge and experience. After he turned around and made his way back to the truck he tried in vain to make me believe that he just knew that the instrument could not know more than he did.
Sometimes in life, we choose to not listen to the instrument that the great wilderness spirit gave us, and I’m not just talking about the lack of internal compass that was voted against during the board meeting of my creation.
We all have the things in our lives that we fight against and believe we know better, but sometimes the information is skewed. I want to, most days, push past what my body tells me I am capable of and defy the internal GPS because I know the correct direction I should go. In every instance I am wrong and I pay for not listening. I have to open my life and mind to the reality that sometimes there are things beyond my control and follow the G.P.S.
SP
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