Luckiest Man Alive

The past few weeks I have been reminded how lucky I am. I have a debilitating illness that eventually will end my life, I suffer through days on end of pain and weakness, my diet is so screwed up that most days I don’t know what to eat to keep from exacerbating the issues, I’m mostly blind and forget everything, but overall, I am one of the luckiest people on the planet.

It’s easy for me to say this because I get reminded over and over by the smallest things. In the past month, I have had the privilege of attending several performances that remind me just how special and great life is.

When I was young my sisters and I didn’t get the opportunity to participate in things like baseball, football gymnastics or dance. Although I really wanted to dance and my sisters loved football.

It wasn’t for a lack of desire on my part, or my parents for that matter; it was the plain and simple fact that my parents really didn’t have the money to support 6 kids in sports or other activities.

I do not place any blame on them, they did the best they could with what they had and to be honest, we really never went without the necessities; clothing, food, etc. — even if the clothing was homemade by my mom.

I look back now and although I was teased a lot for having homemade clothes, (that’s a topic for another blog,) I was very proud to be wearing something that my mom put all her love and time into so that we could afford the things that were needed.

 I played 2 or 3 years of baseball as a child and 1 year of soccer. I tried out for school sports, but even after making the teams, I shortly stopped and dropped them because the money just wasn’t there to pay for uniforms and other necessities for each sport.

Don’t misunderstand, my parents were behind me 100% and would have done anything to make sure that I was able to compete and play at the best level that I could, but I knew what a struggle it was for them so I stopped on my own accord.

I know that this created a misconception amongst my family, friends, and peers at school; believing that I was a quitter and wasn’t a reliable person.  I knew that it was best for my family that my parents didn’t have to worry about the expense that would be created.

I don’t have any heartache or other issues with this decision and period in my life. I had the fortune to be taken care of by someone whom to this day I still think of as a parent and love beyond words.

Even though I wasn’t able to play sports, I was involved in martial arts quite extensively. My sensei was a very loving and selfless person that understood my parent’s predicament and taught me for years without any compensation. He generously continued to teach and supply the necessary equipment for me to be able to attend the classes. (I was not the only student he did this for.)

Later, after I was promoted to a teaching level, I tried to repay him by teaching for free at his dojo, but he would have nothing to do with that. I was paid just like every other instructor and there wasn’t a discussion about it.

The love, compassion, and honorable nature that he showed me created a fire within me to emulate him to the best of my ability throughout my life. I have stated before in prior blogs about how friendships come and go and how certain people become a permanent part of your life, even if you don’t interact or see each other all the time.

I learned that there are people in this world that I would do anything for. The man who, for all of those years accepted me and looked beyond what everyone else saw, is at the top of that list. I would fight the fires of hell with a bucket of water for him.

When I became a parent, the struggles that my parents went through with me became all too familiar with my children as well. My wife and I struggled to make ends meet and take care of our little family. In doing this, we tried to be there for our children financially in any sport or dance or other endeavors that they may have wanted to try. Alas, in the end, the bills won the battle and my kids fell to the same fate as I did as a child.

I know that they understood as I did with my parents and they never complained that they didn’t get to do the things that the other children were doing. I tried to do my best to give them the experiences that I could, but now that they are adults I know that they feel like they missed out.

Now that I am a grandparent, I have tried to pay all of that forward. I am also very limited on funds because of my disability; however, I have vowed that my grandchildren will not suffer the same fate as I or my children.

In the past couple weeks, I have attended a gymnastics performance and dance recital by two of my grandchildren. I wasn’t able to see either of these, however, there I was sitting front row cheering them on and showing them that I don’t have to be able to see to know how well they are doing.

I want them to know that I will always support them in everything that they do. Both of my children are now in the same position that my parents and I were in; they are new families and it’s not always easy to pay the bills and give your children what they need and desire.

It’s my turn to be selfless and pass on the love and support that was given to me by my sensei. It’s hard for me to not sound braggadocios, but that is not the intent. I have learned and become very aware of how short and fragile life can be.

Money and bills will always be an issue and plague us the remainder of our days, but the experiences of those children are as short-lived as we are. I do not have the ability to teach them gymnastics or dance, but I do have the ability to make sure that they get the opportunity to learn from the people who can.

I am now able to give my grandchildren the experiences that weren’t afforded to me or my children and would be difficult for my children to provide for them as well. As soon as my other two get old enough to start in whatever extracurricular activities they desire, I will make sure that they also get the necessary assistance that they need.

I am so proud of my two little angles; Toe jam, and Armpit, as I affectionately call them. They have worked so hard and come so far in the short time that each has been studying their chosen activities.

I believe that this is how life is meant to be. My parents took care of my children as we worked to make ends meet and now it’s my turn to take care of my grandchildren.  I will continue to pay it forward and give them every opportunity that they deserve; and at every performance I’ll be there, sitting front row, cheering them on.

—SP