Unconditional Love

“Let me tell you a secret about a father's love, a secret that my daddy said was just between us. He said daddies don't just love their children every now and then, it's a love without end, amen…”

Eeeerrrrrkkkkkkkk, wait, stop, back up. 

If you are unfamiliar with, ‘It’s a love without end…Amen’ by George Strait I highly recommend it. Even if you are not a country music fan, the lyrics are so heartfelt and really hit home for me. I would like to believe that my kids and grandkids would agree that I have shown them a love without end.

I have realized late in this life that children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren are the greatest gifts that a person could ever receive.

When it comes to a love without end, I would really hope that I have shown my kids that there is nothing in life that I will not give up for them.

I wish I could say that this was passed down from father to son, just as the song says, but in my case, it just didn’t happen that way. I did learn about unconditional love and sacrifice, but it was my mom that taught me that very valuable lesson.

A father’s love may be a love without end, however, a mother’s love is unconditional and in the case of my mom, seemingly limitless.

Like most things in my life, I grew up a stubborn — well — asshole. But no matter how much turmoil or the numerous trials that I put my mother through, she was always there for me, stood by me and at times even carried me. I wish that, as I was growing up, I would have seen her for what she was and the hard work and dedication she had for her family.

Like I said, I was an asshole and I really took everything for granted. I mistook the love and care that my mother offered as “Her Duty” or “That was her job as a mother.”

I never realized how much she did for each of us until recently, when life dealt me a hand off the bottom of the deck. I was thinking that I was sitting pretty with three of a kind; instead, I faced a dealer with a stacked deck and a royal flush in his hand.

It’s amazing what a little hindsight and humility does for a person’s clarity. I am ashamed, nay, disgusted with myself in the way I acted and treated her throughout my life (especially my teenage years).

My mom always said ‘I would never live to see 13.’ She believed, as most people did that knew me, that my last words would be “well shit, that didn’t work,” as I plunged to my death in some ungodly manner that no one would believe could be accomplished by a human.

As I reflect on my life now, I would like to believe I can see all the love she gave to us, and the time she gave for us. Her sacrifices were beyond scope and I do not think I could ever do her justice in the way of a thank you, but I would be remiss if I didn’t give it my best try.

As I have stated before, I grew up in a family that was on the lower income scale, — Ok we were poor. My father, as hard as he worked, didn’t bring home enough to support me and my 5 sisters. (Total estrogen overload.)

My mom always found a way to stretch the money and make sure we all had what we needed. I don’t remember a time that we were without a necessity. I remember many times I was without a want, but never a need.

The crazy thing is that somehow we even ended up with most of our wants. I never really understood how she did it and how she would come up the money or find the time to make sure that we had the best life we could. I wish I had some of her magic at times.

When I was in Jr. High — other than we had to chisel all of our homework on stone tablets — it was much like the kid's needs and wants of today. Fashion was and still is what makes or breaks a young person.

The fashion of the time — typical Stone Age, Fred Flintstone era clothing — was very expensive, and try as she might, she couldn’t afford to equip me to ‘fit in’ as the hip youngsters would say.

As most of you know, Jr. High and High School is a fashion show and the popular vote is whatever jocks and cheerleaders are wearing.

Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches had bellies with stars. The Plain-Belly Sneetches had none upon thars. But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches Would brag, "We're the best kind of Sneetch on the Beaches."  With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort "We'll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!"

—Dr. Seuss

However, mom wasn’t content to just leave me out in the cold and ruthless desert of childhood ridicule. She found a pattern at the local fabric shop and the correct denim fabric and set out to make me a pair of those most coveted pants.

After many painstaking hours, I had the same type of “needed” jeans that everyone in my school was wearing. The only difference was mine was missing the tag that proudly displayed the brand, but no one seemed to notice.

My mom made sure that nothing would interfere with her desire to give her children what they needed, even if that need was only a want. She spent hours of love, tears and I’m sure some blood to make sure that my clothes were as close to the real thing as possible.

“My coat of many colors that my momma made for me; made only from rags but I wore it so proudly. Although we had no money, I was rich as I could be; in my coat of many colors, my momma made for me.

My coat of many colors was worth more than all their clothes.”

—Dolly Pardon

As I walked around the school, I felt like the words of this song. I felt just like all the other students that had the spiffy new clothes that made them feel superior to the others who were not able to afford them. (Damn Sneetches.)

There is no greater gift in life than that of being a parent. My mom was the epitome of that statement. I now realize how much love and care she put into making sure we were happy and treated like everyone else.

I wish that I would have realized it when I was dressed in my handmade jeans and shirt, feeling like I was one of the popular kids.

Thank you mom; for all the ways you love me.

—SP