For those of you who know me or have read my book, you know that I love hunting, fishing and all things outdoors. I am going to say three statements about myself; you pick the one that isn’t true.
1- I consider Trout a slimy trash fish.
2- Coots are just as tasty as ducks.
3- There is such a thing as having too
much gear.
All three of these sound like made up statements. However, there is only one that is not true. If you picked number 3 you would be correct.
I know I am going to hear it from hundreds of sportsmen wondering how I can think Trout is a slimy trash fish or that coots are just as good as ducks when they, in reality, are the mud eating trash birds.
I actually fish for trout; in fact, fly fishing is my second favorite way to fish. It’s in a tie as my second favorite along with ice fishing, spin casting, bait fishing, trolling, jigging, and well any other way to fish.
You see they are all my second favorite because I love fishing so much I don’t have an absolute favorite. They are all tied for second. And as far as fish go, they are also all tied for second.
Just because I feel that trout are slimy trash fish doesn’t mean I don’t want to catch them. I just throw them all back, hopefully without ever having to touch them. There are many other species that I consider slimy as well and I would just as soon not have to touch them either.
Sportsman’s tip of the week — If you have no other choice but to touch the slimy trash fish, or any other smelly object; wash your hands with yellow mustard it will remove any smell and not leave any residue. This tip has been brought to you by the makers of yellow mustard everywhere.
I, however, haven’t found this same attitude towards any of the wild game that I pursue; whether it’s big game - elk or deer, small game - rabbits, and squirrels, or fowl. I don’t have an issue with any off-putting factors.
I have always said, “If it swims, cheeps, squeaks, grunts, growls, quacks, honks or otherwise shits in the woods, I'll pursue it.”
Now, to pacify the nonviolent population, most fish I catch and release; I do eat some when I am craving a fish fry. I do, however, eat everything I hunt. Hunting and fishing are not only a sport and relaxing; it is a means of putting food on my table.
Any outdoorsman can tell you there is no such thing as having too much gear! No matter what gear you have and how efficient that gear is, there is always something newer and better.
Every year as I set out on my muzzleloader deer hunt I vow that I am only going to take what is necessary for the hunt and inevitably take twice as much as I need. After all, I never know when I might need that extra case of broad-heads even though I’m on a rifle hunt and didn’t bring any archery equipment.
Or those extra 35 rolls of toilet paper because using leaves was only something you did in scouts, and I’ll be damned before I use one of my socks — again.
Or possibly the 3 different GPS, the 6 different odor killers, 2 rangefinders, 4 varieties of shooting sticks, calls for every species of animal, even if they aren't in season or in this area, 15 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of boots, with all the proper sent blocking technology, enough food to feed a small country (you know like the size of Europe), 1000 gallons of water and a state of the art water filtration system that's guaranteed to produce drinkable water out of a sewer, just in case you run out.
100 extra loads for the muzzleloader even though I can only get 1 deer, 17 knives for skinning, cleaning and cutting and any other thing I can think of, because — well, “just in case.”
That’s always been my motto — “bring extra, just in case.” Then there's the gear that has the cool factor. In all reality, we probably don’t need or even use these things but what self-respecting sportsman would be caught dead in the woods without the instruments that make others jealous. Most of these only come out of the box to do just that.
Like the portable trail camera, which in my experience, does nothing more than let you know that big buck hasn't been seen in your area for months. The 100X zoom spotting scope that lets you know that big buck is now four counties over. A complete tree stand system with full camo covers, climbing accessories and HD camera so you can record the big moment, even though you're hunting in an area where there are no trees to attach it too. All in all, your investment is only $70,000 to $80,000.
Fishing is much simpler. All I need is 10 to 20 good rods and reels, 4 or 5 tackle boxes with 200 to 400 lures, hooks and baits per box, a Fish Sonar with GPS and fish ID and 10 one-thousand yard spools of line ranging from microlight to cable strong enough to tow a truck — for when I catch that elusive world record that I know is right at the end of my next cast.
Along with waders, wader boots, a float tube with an optional cooler to keep my beer cold while I fish. 5 or 6 good fly rods in different weights and actions, with a couple a hundred flies in wet and dry configurations and headlamps, which, by the way, can also be used for hunting trips; however, I have separate ones for that. All in all, I think a modest $50,000 to $60,000 should about cover it — for this year anyway.
Like all respectable sportsman, I subscribe to all the popular magazines and mailing lists. During the off-season, I need to read stories of the actual successful sportsman who bagged their 15th record buck or accomplished their 100th turkey grand slam or possibly the bass pro who caught over 10,000 fish in his career.
I say, successful sportsman, because under even the most ideal of circumstances I rarely bag the game I am looking for, catch the fish I’m after or come back without some type of debilitating injury. It’s refreshing to know that there are sportsmen who actually excel at the sport.
I also get all the catalogs and advertisements for all the major sporting good chains. These are the Vegas of the sportsman's world; if I keep feeding it, I'm sure it will eventually pay off. When one of these gets dropped on your front porch, you know it has arrived by the shaking of the ground, which would register about a 5.2 on the Richter scale and crush any small dog or cat that may be standing there.
You never know what you need until you see it in full high definition color with a fleeting description of its use. How was I supposed to know I needed a cough muffler for just $29.95?
There it is on page 21 of the ‘get ready for the hunt’ catalog I received in the mail just 6 short months before the hunt. One needs to make sure you have enough time to get all the necessary gear.
All of this production is something all outdoorsy types live for. However, when I was diagnosed with my disorder a lot of this changed. To a sportsman, when you lose your eyesight it really puts a strain on your vision.
I never realized that none of the major retail outfitters have a catalog in braille, nor do the hunting and fishing magazines. None of them have thought of the blind sportsman being part of their group.
Hell, even Playboy is published in Braille, — Yes. It. Is. Besides magazines that are published for the blind, it is the only magazine that I know of that is. After all, men only read Playboy for the articles, right?
All of the joy I received from looking through the new catalogs and wish books has been taken away with my sight. I now have to rely on others to tell me what the newest, latest and greatest, unnecessary items are.
Most of this is done from people who are either trying to prevent me from achieving my fishing and hunting magnitude by purchasing the new and improved lure, trap, decoy, call, camo or shell that ensures my success — (Wife), or the other hunters and fisherman that I am competing against. Don’t let anyone fool you, it is a competition.
If you know anything about that second group, they’re not very willing to give up any information that might keep them from achieving their personal greatness. Like Highlander — “There can be only one!”
So I am stuck with what I now have until the time that the big sporting good outlets realize that there is a whole new market for the blind and disabled.
Until that day I will continue to spend as much time in the great outdoors with my family as possible. After all, those are memories that a taxidermist can’t preserve for you.
SP
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