We have all heard the sayings, “Go big or go home.” — "I don’t do anything half-assed.” and my all-time favorite, “Hold my beer and watch this.”
I have said most of my life, “When I die, it will make the papers.” I don’t mean this in a boastful or arrogant sense, because I am very humble.
This is meant not at all like, ‘he was so loved and had so many friends that his viewing had to go on for three days and the turnout was double, no, triple that of Princess Diana.’ I think we all know this will never happen. This statement is more of the sheer unbelievable nature of the way I go out.
I have always said that when I go it will be something talked about for years by the readers of newspapers across the country — In this sentence, newspaper refers to a printed publication, usually issued daily or weekly, consisting of folded unstapled sheets and containing news, feature articles, advertisements, and correspondence. (Ha, so old school.)
It will most likely be the internet that the 10’s of people will hear about my spectacular demise, "This is by far the most unbelievable and idiotically wild thing I’ve ever read." "Did he know he was blind?" I'm pretty sure my last words will be, "Well shit, that didn't go as planned."
I'm not trying to be super morbid and by no means is this a cry for help. I am not trying to deliver some covert message that I am at the end of my rope and I am done with this life. None of that is true.
I am actually very content and secure in my life right now and the furthest thing from the truth would be that I was looking for a way out. No, I am just thinking that if something so newsworthy happens to me, so grand that it shocks and shakes the world, I might just get a movie made of my life.
You see, I figure that if some seriously bad, newsworthy shit goes down on my last day here on earth, I take solace in the fact that if it’s bad enough, there's a pretty good chance that Tom Hanks will play me in the movie.
Tom Hanks is the go-to actor when something serious and earth-shaking takes place. So I’ve decided I need a plan ensured to secure him as the lead role.
Tom has played everything from comedy to serious and everything in between. I figure that he is the perfect person for my life story.
In Big, he played a grown-up kid, and for those who know me, you know that I am still just a very large child. In Forrest Gump, he played a developmentally disabled person and, well, we all know that’s self-explanatory. Lately, he's portrayed the role of all the newsworthy people; Captain Phillips, Walt Disney, and of course Captain Sully Sullenberger.
All of these are highly recognizable and we have honored them because of their bravery and leadership. But if it weren’t for the events of their lives would they have been immortalized by Tom Hanks?
I have decided that when my final days approach, and I do recognize that could be any day; as of right now I’m still healthy and I’m enjoying my life, but when I know it is in the final stages, I have decided that I am going to knife fight a Grizzly.
You heard me correctly; I want to knife fight a grizzly, as in bear! I guess I should be more specific, I would have a knife and the grizzly would have the 5 razors that he was born with on each paw. I know it doesn’t seem fair, but I will be worn down from my illness so the bear may stand a chance.
Think about it, who wouldn’t want to see Tom Hanks brilliantly portraying the giving, caring, loving and delightful person that I have been my whole life — oh yeah did I mention humble, truly humble.
Then, after highlighting all the great and marvelous accomplishments in my life — saving all the orphans, housing all the homeless, as well as settling the national debt and creating world peace (it is Hollywood and whatever they portray is true, right?) all the time still showing my great humility — square off against a 7-foot 800 pound grizzly on an 80-foot Digital H.D. IMAX screen with only the long flowing hair and rippling hard toned muscles, that I’m positive any number of bodybuilders would jump at the chance to body double for Tom to better portray my physique and a 9-inch bowie knife. Tell me you wouldn't pay to see that.
Did I mention my humbleness?
So as I make my plan as to how I am going to get the world to take notice and in turn, Tom Hanks desire to make those last days immortalized on the silver screen, I run into one distinct and very powerful problem at every turn … ME!
We all know that this whole fight a bear thing is nothing more than a made-up scenario; and although I would still like to see Tom Hanks fight a bear on the big screen, it’s not actually about the way I go out at all.
You see I don’t feel like my life has or will be worthy of telling on the big screen and especially by someone like Tom Hanks. Even If I did decide to knife fight a bear.
I believe that we all, to some extent, feel this way or understand that we are our own stumbling blocks. But I believe I have taken that to the extreme.
I don’t think anyone could criticize me more severely than the way I viciously criticize myself. I am and always have been my own worst enemy in all the endeavors in my life.
As I look back on my life and all the good and bad, I realize that there were so many times I could have been more, done more for others, pursued my dreams further and become a better man for it.
So many times I failed, not in my want or desire to achieve, but in my desire to pursue it relentlessly and follow through. I waited for it to happen instead of making it happen. I waited for others to do it for me instead of pushing my own boundaries and attempting to further my career, education, and life in general.
I have learned, however, that as with all other things that I have stood in the way of in my life, it is up to me to make or break the desires and ambitions I have.
Other people or other entities can give you hope but they can’t give you the will to follow through with that desire. In order to make your life worthy of a Tom Hanks portrayal, it is up to you to make the change that you so desire in life.
I am holding on to the notion of Tom Hanks knife fighting a grizzly in my honor; if for nothing else than to keep the desire and drive in my heart to make my life the best I can and not stand in my own way.
All while remaining truly and graciously humble.
SP
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