In my own defense, the people of Utah have their own language — I call it Utahnics, and I am just as guilty of this language development as anyone. Admittedly, I do try to use proper grammar and punctuation, however, when you grow up with a school motto of “Grammar be Gooder,” it’s a habit that is hard to break.
Don’t get me wrong, we have some of the goodest teachers in this state and I really don’t blame them; they do the best they can with what they have.
Utah doesn’t put the money or resources into education that they should, so education in Utah is ranked at 48th in the nation. Yes, you read that correctly. We are ranked 48th in the nation. When I heard that I thought to myself, “Wow, that’s like 5th or 6th from the bottom!”
Depending on how long that took you to figure out could reveal where you were educated. If it sounded about right, hello fellow Utahnian.
We as a society have allowed ourselves to diminish to a point of using the laziest and simplest way to speak, having no need or want to use punctuation or syntax.
Growing up I was taught to spell out words and make complete sentences. We were graded and reprimanded if the grammar, punctuation, and syntax were misused. As I aged, some of that was lost due to my own laziness.
While attending university, I wrote papers, notes and thesis’ on many different subjects. Due to the pure volume of writing, I started to develop my own type of shorthand. It was more like my own language really.
I needed a way to keep track of my notes and not have to review 75 pages of properly written out sentences to find what I needed; so shorter, more concise methods were invented to make life easier. This continued into my later life as a comic and a therapist.
My jokes were written as a general idea and then expounded on while on stage. As a therapist, notes, mostly incoherent scribblings, are the fastest way to keep a record while listening to the clients. I have learned over time to conveniently forget how to speak and write.
To this day — and again, it shows in this blog, I struggle with grammar and punctuation. As we evolve we are constantly changing the way we dress, live, and inevitably talk, write and communicate.
When I was a teenager and would express myself to my parents by saying things like, “that’s BAD” or “Totally Wicked” and eventually just shortened to, “Bitchen!” when it was actually something really “good” or “special.” Is the equivalent of the teens of today using their own language to express their feelings to me.
I’m sure the look my parents had on their face is now mirrored by me as I hear kids talking nowadays. Pretty much like a dog that’s being asked if he wants a treat, and although he really can’t understand a thing you’re saying, he gives you that look of “I’ll just pretend I know in the hope something good comes from it.” — Did someone say “Scooby Snack?”
I am at a total loss as I overheard a conversation between two teenage girls in the mall — which in itself is a nightmarish place, where I am sure Freddy Krueger and Pennywise live, but that’s a different story. As they are talking, all I hear is this encrypted nonsensical usage of letters and words that haven’t been defined as of yet.
“I was like YOLO, and he was like LMN, and I was like OMG, STFU and he was like, right? SMDH. Like OMGYG2BK.”
Where’s my Urim and Thummim?
“WTH” happened to us? This conversation went on for over 20 min with neither girl saying a single actual word with the exception of “Like,” “Right?” and I think I heard a “Like,” and then several more “Likes,” but that may have been when I was starting to come back around from the blackout created by the strain of trying to interpret this extraterrestrial language.
I believe I've been transported to some other world or dimension where I am trying to blend in with the aliens who live on this planet and realizing the training that the government gave me was severely inadequate.
I struggle even more every time I try to use an online service, like Facebooks or the Snapchatter. I try in vain to pronounce all the words that are associated with pictures or events that get posted but alas, my old brain has now been rendered incapable of learning a new language.
What I see is a series of nonsensical words: TBT = (tbut), ICYMI = (Ikeme), PDH = (pudh), PLMK = (plimk), OOS = (ose), FCFS = (fekfus) and a whole host of others that do nothing but confuse me to the point that I wonder if there is intelligent life in this strange new land.
While we're on the subject, all the “pound signs” and “at symbols,” yes people, that is correct, “hashtag” is a made-up word for something that has been around since numbers were invented. — Mind Blown!
To add them in the middle of a sentence is just as confusing and unnecessary as putting an artichoke symbol in front of a word. These become even more aggravating when people actually talk using them.
“That was sick, hashtag pickle, hashtag goat, hashtag encyclopedia.”
I foresee a day when high school teachers, via their electronic data pack, assign an essay to be at least 100 acronyms on the history of the English language. Actually, it would just appear on their mobile devices, since their not in a classroom any longer, as #WEOHEL. The English language, at this point, will be as foreign as Sanskrit.
I’m sorry, I meant "WTFYTA?"
In turn, the students will display their lack of interest and indifference to the assignment through the use of the emoji,
“MEH”
As we evolve into the next era of humans I wonder if they, as adults, will look at their children in the same manner, wondering what strange and unruly planet they were transported to, as their children lovingly look up at them, show them their handheld device, (because I’m sure by now, spoken language will take too long) which reads, 👩 😍 [&], which obviously means, “Mom, I love you, will you make me a PB&J?”
SP
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