The Importance Of Family

I recently watched the latest Pixar release, Coco. Yes, I said watch. I

am lucky enough to be able to see some of what is happening on my television and most blind people still use the same wording as sighted people. I do, however, use the term listen when it comes to books.

        “The Princess Bride is one of my favorite listens.”

If you are wondering how I watch movies and TV. To tell you the truth it’s a completely different process now, but I do still watch both.

There are many things that assist me in watching; the one that I use most and annoys everyone else is the incessant questions about what just happened or who is that?

There are other things that help, like the curved 4K H.D.R. televisions that increase the definition enough that I can see movement and the people on the screen better than the flat screens.

I say better but that still means they look more like drawings rather than ghosts and only if I am standing within a foot of it. I have a few other enhancements that help so I can enjoy being a couch potato.

I go to movies that are playing in theaters as well — I really enjoy the way other moviegoers react when they see a blind guy walk into a movie theater. I also enjoy the whispers around me being the only one watching a movie wearing sunglasses; that’s enough for me to go.

As Larry David said so eloquently, “You know who wears sunglasses indoors? Blind people and assholes.” I’m a bit of both so it works out.

Usually, I wait for movies to come out on disc and watch them at home in front of all 60 inches of my 4K curved TV at approximately 10 to 12 inches away. Ha, mom! Sitting too close didn't make me go blind, but going blind made me sit close. — (sticking tongue out and blowing raspberries.) What does that even mean? That’s a topic for another blog.

Back to the original story — A.D.D. here I am! Watching Coco made me think of all my relatives that I have forgotten, along with the ones I never had the chance to know. Both of my grandfathers died when I was young. One before I was even born which is like super young.

My grandmothers though had to endure me much longer, and although they were around for a good portion of my life, I realize, I don’t know much about them either.

There are the essential things that I’ve been told about them but that’s about it; just a little family history and done. I know my parents remember more but it's not something that’s talked about openly in my family.

My wife's family is the opposite. She knows about her grandmothers and grandfathers on both sides as well as information about great-grandparents, which is way better than I can do; I don’t even know my great-grandparents names.

I must admit that I even know her grandparents and family more than I know my own. Think about it, if you were my family would you want to be around and let people know you are related to me? Her family is not like mine in the fact that they talk about their lineages and make sure that they are not forgotten.

I had the privilege to spend time with her grandmothers and actually get to know them before they passed on. Her grandfathers, like mine, passed before I could meet or get to know them. Her grandparents are more a part of my history than my own family I'm sorry to say.

It was very apparent that the point of the movie was, ‘family is everything’ and if they are forgotten they are lost forever in the darkness of — well I don’t know what but some darkness.

After watching the movie, my daughter asked how it all worked. She thought that if there was a picture on the ‘ofrendas’ or alter and she didn’t know who it was she would take it down and they would be forgotten.

That is the whole reason for the pictures, their memories would continue; the stories and history would be passed down from generation to generation. As long as they continued to tell their family about them and so on; they would never be forgotten. Their memorial would just grow and grow as long as they kept telling the future generations about their forefathers — oh, ya, and mothers.

I have felt a bit of shame in myself knowing that I have let my family history and heritage slip through my fingers. I know that my mother, her sister and their mother have completed many generations of family history but I haven’t even cared enough to ask.

I suck I know!

I never realized how the feeling of being lost, without the knowledge of who my ancestors are and what they did, would affect me. I realize now that I am truly lost; I feel like a man without a land or in this case a history.

It is a terrible feeling, to be honest. I have an entire history of people that without, I wouldn't even exist and I have totally forgotten to remember them.

The worst feeling is that I never really cared until now. I never thought about having ancestors, or what role they played in history or eventually, my life. If one small experience would have changed, just one missing event, I wouldn’t exist.

How inconsiderate of me to just carry on with my life as if I am entitled to be here and give no credit to the people, that without whom, I wouldn’t be.

I have never believed in destiny or fate, I have always lived under the assumption that we just go through life and what happens, happens. However, if I actually think about it — fate comes from the word fatal; if you take a dead body and work backward through that person's actions, you will determine what lead him to his fate.

In essence, if we accept fate, then we accept that all actions before us created us and every action after will determine what happens to us as well as who and what we create. All of my ancestors came together at the correct time to eventually create me.

I also followed this same process to create my children who followed and created their children and so on. Here I am going through life not even acknowledging that without them I wouldn’t exist.

“Shawn”, because that’s what I call myself, “Shawn, I'm sorry, but you're an asshole.”

My eyes have been opened and I must say that I am a bit jealous of the practice of ‘Día de Muertos’ or ‘Day Of The Dead.’ They celebrate all who have passed and live in their honor.

I realize that I don’t know all there is to know about the tradition, but like the lack of knowledge I have of my own family tree, I plan on educating myself in both.

SP